Shattered
by MissDoodle
Summary: Draco didn't have a choice. He had to. she would be killed. And he couldn't have that burden over his head.
1. Chapter 1

The manor stood alone, broken down, overgrown with plants. Ivy, tall green grass, roses. Trees whose branches sunk to the ground creating a canopy of green and pink cherry and apple blossoms. the winding paths through the grounds were now covered in plants and moss. The grey stone paths now had green veins running through them. and as i walked along the path set aside the abandoned manor i could hear the mischievous laughter of goblins, who have inhabited the overgrown gardens. My father used to hate goblins in the garden, and always pondered why they came back. I knew of course, she left food out for them. Little slices of cheese, small fruits like grapes and cherry tomatoes, and tiny bits of french bread. She cared for all walks of life.

The manor still held her joyful presence. the manor itself was depressing, but she made it better. Filling the dark halls with beautiful melodies from her violin, viola, cello, piano, and she sang from inside the library, and i would scare her by finishing her song with her. She'd get so mad, but ask me to join her to read none the less.

I looked up from my thoughts to realise i had stopped in front of her willow. It looked the same as it always had. green leafy arms hanging to the ground making a large safe canopy around the spot where I used to sit and read books, draw or swing on the tire. But even the tree, with it's beauty and elegance was abandon and beginning to die.

I felt a sharp pain of sadness as i walked through the green curtain. A lump was beginning to form in my throat as i looked around the base of the tree. The trunk was scared with ice shards that had stayed when she was placed here. Her power is still lingers. i smiled a little. my fingers reaching up to run along her locket, it was ice cold as always. I wore it around my neck every day. its my way of keeping her close to me.

i continued to walk deeper into the safe haven of my childhood, the all familiar sound of the wind through trees and the scent of the willow leaves embraced me as i walked through the safe green arms.

The stone came into my view, and I felt that sharp sadness again. The lump in my throat grew bigger and i could feel my eyes begin to water.

i stopped a few feet in front of the marble. I have read the words so many times I memorized them. But i still read them. Most of it is a quote she said, and i enjoy reading it in her sweet voice.

" _There are many bad things about me and my life, but there are the few things that made me stronger. My best friend draco, and the man i look up to. They have helped me so much and given me so much and i fear i will never be able to repay them. if I am to die in battle, and if i am unable to see them i want this to be on my gravestone. Lucius, i look up to you so much, you taught me so much, piano and the violin, you read to me when i was a child and played chess with me every day. You were the one i could always count on and you're like a father to me. i love you and hope you can stay the amazing man you have always been. and i have been glad to spend these last few hours with you before going into battle against you._

_Draco, my best friend, you have been there for me for the longest time, you protected me and cared for me, you helped me in school, you helped me during the point in my life where i was confused about everything, myself, and what i wanted to do. you were there when lucius wasn't and when narcissa was gone. you stayed strong and you fought valiantly. I love you. I hope you know this before i have to fight against you. It pains me to go against you, instead of with you, but we both know you must fight for him, and i must fight against him. this is the burden we carry from growing up far too quickly than we would have liked. this is our war and we must fight."_

_Emily Rose was an ambitious young woman, who stayed strong until an unidentified spell took her life. She laughed and smiled despite the dark time she grew up in. She managed to outsmart voldemort when she was 16, helping her friend Draco protect his family. _

"_...She was clever than you lot and she's dead!"_

_~Sherlock Holmes, A study in pink_

_Emily Rose, 1979-1997_

She loved me. I just want to know if it was romantically just as i had loved her. Every year on her birthday i sent her a rose. Yellow with a red tip. the symbol for falling in love. She never knew what it meant. she assumed it was from Neville, her long term boyfriend. Whenever she asked him he always said no.

"She had no idea it was me." i said with a hand on the trunk.

i looked down at the grave stone. there was a picture of emily and i on it. It was when I escorted her to her birthday party. Her eyes were smiling as well as her pink lips her hair in a long, black fishtail tied in a purple ribbon at the end. Her dress was simple and flowing. the sleeves cut off at her elbow and the neck ling showed only her collarbone. The dress was royal purple, and the color clashed with her clear blue eyes. She never wore make up. she was exquisite, she never needed extra. She was beautiful enough.

Her face was soft, no sharp lines. her face was heart shaped, complimenting her large eyes. Her eyes were large and icy. They swirled with her emotions. I mostly saw joy in swirling in them. Her nose was long and buttoned, sprinkled with freckles and always red from cold. Her lips, _oh her lips._ They were a light pink, always stretched in a large beautiful smile or open wide from her lovely laughter. Her neck was long and thin, when ever she turned her head, i could see the tendons move. As i grew older, i buried my face in the crook of her neck and shoulder inhaling her enchanting sent. _Roses, tea, books, and ice. _Her shoulders where small and bony. And when ever she let a little skin show (she was modest) her shoulders were red, i always thought it was from the cold. She was very skinny, at one point i was able to see her bones. As she grew into the beautiful woman she was, she got better. Father said she was malnourished before she was able to stay with us. her waist was always very small, but the thigh gap she hated eventually disappeared.

I think the thing i liked most about her look was her hair. It was long, and wavy. Black and shiny. She always wore it in a braid. Elegant fishtail, simple french. Sometimes she wore a bun in her hair. Father was surprisingly the one who braided her hair, she used to sit on his large arm chair in the parlor as his long fingers weaved her hair in to intricate designs. Sometimes when she had a nightmare and she came in my room to sleep with me, i had her head against my chest and i ran my fingers through her long, beautiful, smooth, hair. it had her peacefully asleep in a matter of minutes, and without the thrashing and screaming.

She was the single most graceful person i ever knew. She walked like the rain, and spoke like the wind. her voice was sweet and soft, barely a whisper. she never shouted never snapped, she stayed calm and kind.

"Emily, Im sorry. For not being able to protect you. I wish i could talk to you, and hear your voice, laugh...I miss you…." I trailed off on my words, coking as i felt the warm tears pour over. I kissed my fingers placing them on the large headstone. I pulled my wand out of my pocket and waving it.

green vines flowed out the tip. red, white, and pink flower buds, bloomed into large sweet smelling roses. They represent the love i had for her, her innocence and purity, and her wonderful grace.

"i know how much you loved roses. Especially the ones in the gardens. you always walked through them…"

the tears were coming uncontrollably. they stung my eyes and warmed my cheeks. they dripped down my nose and chin, i could taste their saltiness on my lips.

it _hurt_. I missed her. _I was the one who was supposed to protect her during the battle_.

i sunk to my knees, it was all too much. The depression has been eating me for these past six years. I couldn't take it.

The cuts on my arms and torso would never be enough of an escape, i couldn't feel when my wand slashed the pale skin of my forearm. _I was completely numb without her._

I held my wand in my fingers, smoothing my fingertips over the smooth wood. 10 inches hawthorn and unicorn hair. said it was springy and excellent for charms. One of the charms i learned to control and absolutely hated with a fiery passion was _sectumsempra._ the spell potter used on me in the sixth year, almost killed me. I some how learned how to control it. When i whispered it, the gash was thinner, if i did it silently, the gash was just a cat scratch. Shouting it was the real danger. shouting it made the gash spurt bright red blood. It made me dizzy and had my vision filled with rainbow colored stars.

I continued to cry, my eyes stinging with desperation my heart beating like a steamhammer.

_I don't want to live on this hellish earth without her. i can't. the world is far too dark without her. she was the sun amidst this rain. I WANT HER BACK!_

my breathing was ragged as i shook violently in anger. I could feel the blood rushing to my face, i could feel myself losing the little sanity i had left.

"WHY DID HE KILL HER? DIDN'T HE KILL ENOUGH PEOPLE?" my anger was getting the better of me. I'm losing my mind.

i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind.i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind.i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind.i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my mind.

_I'm losing my mind without her._

i stared at my wand. it was almost covered completely in grass the green making the black of the hawthorne stand out. I picked it up carefully, not believing what i was about to do. For her. _It was all for her. The cabinet, the murder, the war I started. _

I grabbed my wand lightly in my fingers. My hand was shaking intensely as i pointed it at my self. there was a lump in my throat again. I didn't want to die, but i didn't want to live in this hell without her. She brought the world hope, She brought my father hope, she brought me hope. Hell, she was hope.

tears were pouring down my face as I thought of the people who would miss me.

Harry, Ginny, james, hermione, george, mrs. Weasly… _My family. _But they don't understand how depressed i have been these six years. No one at the hospital helped, all they said was "remember her how she was and you will be fine, Healer Malfoy.".

Whenever i remembered her it pained me. _I was the reason she died._

My anger was coming back and i started to shake once more. I could no longer hold my wand steady. The tears were dried now, and i was sobbing uncontrollably. Not in sadness, but joy. i could leave this hell. _I might see Emily Rose again._

I closed my eyes, my mind emptying all thoughts. I could think of two words and be gone. _Poof._ like smoke. I wanted to be gone. i dont want to die, but i dont want to live their. and i'm not sure i'm even living anymore.

i thought. and then…

_Poof. Gone_


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up laying down. my surroundings were all white and it burned my eyes. I closed them tight not wanting to look at the brightness. I raise my arms to press my palms into my eyes. I smiled at the pressure. it felt good and constant. i sighed slowly releasing the pressure and slowly opening my eyes. the light was blinding but my eyes quickly adjusted.

i sat up stretching and looking down at my body. I was completely naked. But there were no cuts on my body. No scars. I look healthy too, lean and with a little muscle. i couldn't see my bones like i used to. I didn't look anorexic anymore. I was strange to see myself healthy. i was confused as to _why _i was healthy again. I stood. I could see shapes in the witness. Benches and pillars and deep rows that look like the could hold trains.

"wonder what place this is." i said walking down the walk way. "Maybe a sort of hell. Purgatory maybe," I continued to walk, my footsteps echoing against the white floor.

My surroundings looked strangely familiar. Like a blurred figure. You remember them but you don't at the same time. A name, a picture, but no story. Like the cover without the book. It looked like a train station. now that i think about it… King's Cross. I could see the indents of platform 9 and 10. There were no other platforms just those two in an endless repeat.

I turned wanting to walk back. Where? I dont know. But i could see a small splash of color. Light grey and blue. I ran a hand through my hair, as the shapes came closer. Clothes.

"How the hell did I miss those?" I said

"Well, Draco, maybe if you weren't in the clouds so much and back on earth you would notice things someone did for you." The voice was soft, barely above a whisper, calm and collected. Then i heard laughter. "You don't recognize me?"

i looked around. _There's no one here. _" I-I can't say that i do. Im sorry."

"Have you really forgotten me after six years of you losing your mind? Draco, I had more faith in you." The voice laughed again. "Put your clothes on before I come out. "

I searched through the clothes for boxers or _something_. To my relief i found them and slipped them on like it would save my life. I got dressed fully. except shoes. there wasn't any in the pile.

"Okay, you can come out now," I shouted, hand cupped around my mouth.

More laughter, "i thought you would never ask." It suddenly got cold. Not a bad cold, like a dementor. But a comfortable cold, like on a snowy day. The scent of roses became prominent, the sweet smell surrounding me. I could see a figure in the distance. A woman. I could see the feminine curves of her hips and her breasts. _The woman_ wore a white gown that flowed like water and hugged her lovely figure. She glided towards me, head bowed so i could not see past her curly raven hair. She then disappeared and reappeared in front of me.

" It is so nice to see you after all these years" She lifted her head. _Those eyes. Emily? No. Thats impossible. She's dead. _I could feel my heart race inside my chest, hammering against my bones. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my body and run off. The lump in my throat was back, and i could see the blurriness of tears forming in my eyes. they were hot tears that hurt as they ran down your cheeks. l could feel myself start to shake.

"Draco?" I lunged myself forward enveloping her in my arms. She was warm and tiny, and I could feel her curves against me. Her face was barely in my chest. Her hands were pressed against my breastbone, her hand curled in my shirt. I was sobbing into her hair.. She still smelled like roses. I sank to my knees bringing her down with me. I sunk further, rying into her stomach. Emily wrapped her arms around me, brushing her elegant fingers through my hair. i wrapped my arms around her waist and cried into her breasts. i pressed my ear to the left side of her chest to hear her heart.

_Thump-thump Thump-thump Thump-thump. _A soft steady rhythm that soothed my sobbing.

" I missed you, Emily." She giggled, her hands on my cheeks lifting my face up.

" I can tell." She whispered kissing my forehead . I smiled as her soft warm lips pressed against my skin. I sighed contently.

We laid there on the cool white ground, intertwined in each other, our breathing insinc. our hands ran over the others body. I had my hands on her hips, feeling the defined curve.

" Draco, you should have let go." she said. i looked up at her. She was crying now. Her clear blue eyes looked like a storm. Sad, angry, confused. " I wanted you to live, Draco. You had so much ahead of you. And you go and _kill yourself!_ You should have thought it through!" Her eyes got darker, her cheeks turning red. " YOU _BASTARD! YOU SELFISH , HEARTLESS BASTARD!_ DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONELY I WAS HERE! BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T LET GO, I GOT STUCK HERE WAITING FOR YOU! I HAD TO WATCH YOU CUT YOURSELF AND STARVE YOURSELF AND I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU! DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW SCARY THAT WAS? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I CANNOT LEAVE THIS PLACE UNTIL YOU LEARN TO LET ME GO?" She stood, as did I, trying to calm her down. She beat her tiny fists on my chest as she screamed. I have never seen her so livid. Her voice turned to a whisper. " i hated seeing you like that. It was scary."

" Emily, I'm sorry. I couldn't…" my words were faltering. "I…."

She shook her head. " Its done now, Draco. You just have to relive it like i did."


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you mean?" I asked. Emily bit her lip and ran her elegant fingers through her raven hair.

"Well….You have to go through memories. You have to watch yourself make stupid decisions, get hurt, you have to watch the ones you love and yourself die."

I looked at her wide eyed. "I have to watch you…" i swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in my throat. "D-die?" my voice cracked.

"Yes. Draco, you have to watch your life if you want to be set free. And if anyone who you once loved cannot let go of you you're stuck." She shrugged. Her words were cold. It was like she was stating the most obvious thing to a child. It was as if Emily had broken. Like a porcelain doll that got dropped on the cold hard floor. Its...scary seeing her like this again. the last time she was like this was when Neville broke up with her and when Father went to Azkaban. And that was in the same day. It was hard to hear the saddest piano melody and crying from the parlor. My mother couldn't get her to talk or anything she just sat on her chair and played.

"Emily….I can't watch myself do those horrid things. I can't watch my family die. I can't watch _you _die." I grabbed her small shoulders in my hands and shook her gently. I placed my hand on the back of her curly haired head and brought her face to my chest. "Give me time. I need to adjust to….whatever the hell this is. Emily, I'm scared. I'm confused. and you being cold towards me because of my suicide is not helping." My words were harsh but I said them softly.

Emily sighed, I could feel how heavy that one breath was. It was like it has been held in. Her shoulders raised to her ears, her back tensed. And she was relaxed.

"Your right. I'm sorry. It has just been an emotional time. I saw my last memory today. Im just a little melancholy is all." She smiled at me. Her lips stretching beautifully, her clear eyes crinkling at the edge, her cheeks got rosy again. We pulled away from our embrace with smiles on our tired faces. Emily cupped my cheek in her small hand, her thumb stroking over my stubble. She was still smiling, and her smile was getting bigger. An ear to ear grin.

_CHIME. CHIME. CHIME._

"Dont worry about that. Thats just the Memory Chime. It's time to watch your first memory." She laughed.

"Will you come with me?" I'm scared. I dont know what memory i will have to live through again. Or how it was going to work. I'm _terrified._

Emily shook her head, her long flowing hair whipping around her face. She laughed. "No. I can't go with you, silly. This is your journey, and you must travel it without me." She pressed her lips to my cheek. "I'll be here when you come back. I promise." She took her index finger and made an X across her breast. "Just walk that way." She pointed behind me where a light blue hue was shining like a star.

"How do you know all this, Emily?"

"The person who greeted me when i first came here told me." She shrugged. "He also said that how memories are played out depends on the person."

I cocked my head to one side. "Who told you all of this?"

Emily's eyes got darker, sadder. Her ruby red lips turned to a small frown.

"Lucius."


End file.
